May 28, 2013
In almost every aspect of life, we go after the things we want. Not thrilled with your job? Get your resume together and search for a new one. Some recent weight gain before swimsuit season upsetting you? Hire a trainer or up the ante during your workouts. Why is it, then, that in dating, many of us think happiness will simply find us versus the other way around? It’s as if we think we have a sign on our foreheads flashing, “Single and ready to mingle.” Unfortunately, that’s just not how it works. In online dating, writing a great profile is only half the battle. To really be successful, you have to be proactive and email people who interest you.
First of all, when searching for a potential partner, it’s important to keep a few things in mind:
1. Try not to be too picky upfront. In the long run, will it really matter if someone is 5’8 vs. 5’9?
2. Update your search periodically to include new people. Maybe Mr. or Ms. Right lives just five miles outside of your search radius.
3. Change how you sort your matches. Try sorting by newest members first, people last online, age, people closest to you, etc.
Now that you’ve found some potential matches, it’s time to send that email. And women, it’s important for you to email potential matches, too. Many women think that making the first move might make them lose the upper hand at the get-go or seem less feminine. Not true. Again, we need to go for what we want in life, and it starts here. Also, many people don’t take point number 2 above to heart, and their search criteria may not catch you. So if you don’t send the first email, that perfect match you’ve noticed may never find you. Plus, what guy wouldn’t be flattered by an email?!
As for what to include in the email, it’s actually pretty simple:
1. Something about his/her profile that caught your attention;
2. Something about you and how it relates to him/her; and
3. A question (to end the email).
In terms of length, a few sentences are enough to get the ball rolling. No one wants to read your novel after a long day of work. And no form letters! It’s very clear when people copy and paste the same email from person to person. That’s a surefire way to get zero responses. Also, humor and proper grammar go further than you might think.
Now that we know the rules, let’s look at three of sample emails that work:
That picture of you with your camera definitely caught my attention. Believe it or not, I think you’ve met your match – I have an addiction to photography, too. (Could be worse things to be addicted to!) I generally do portraits, but I recently took some pictures in Napa, which was really fun. How long have you been doing photography?
And on a different note, how’s that quest for finding the best store-bought marinara sauce coming along? You must eat a lot of pasta!
I couldn’t resist writing to a woman who says she likes to drink scotch. A rare and precious find.
I also wanted to welcome you to DC! What do you think so far? We may not have the architecture that Chicago does (or the shopping), but I do think it’s a pretty great place to live. I assume you’ve taken one of those architecture boat cruises, right? We have paddle boating in the Tidal Basin… just the same, right?
I have to ask about your line, “Love women who love words.” Are we talking women with a big vocabulary? Just curious. Regardless, I like words. In fact, I use them daily.
Since you seem to be into good food as much as I am (not a small feat), what are some of your favorite places in the area?
In the end, you can’t win the lottery unless you play, so you might as well try your hand at the lottery of love to see what it has in store. Now, go forth and email!