December 12, 2017

This one is mainly for the ladies…

You’re swiping through Bumble. You see a really cute guy (or gal). You swipe right.  You match!! You message him (on Bumble, the woman has to write first)… only to get no response. The 24-hour period where responses are allowed is up, and—poof—your match goes away just as quickly as he got there.

The question is this: If someone looked at your picture, presumably liked what he saw, and then swiped right, isn’t he interested enough to write something back? Let’s look at six reasons why he may not reply to you:

  1. Your message didn’t cut it.

Keep your first message short, sweet, and end it with a question. Just remember that anything is better than “Hey,” or “What’s up?” because the only response to these is “Hey” and “nothing”/“not much,” respectively. Boringville!

The best way to write a message is to reference something in his profile. So, if he says, “I’m an avid ping pong player,” you can say, “Ping pong, huh? I can’t say I’m avid like you are, but I bet I could give you a run for your money in tennis. Do you play?”

Sometimes, though, the other person doesn’t write a profile that provides any “message bait” (something interesting and unique for you to use in your message), so here are a few examples for when no “message bait” is provided:

  • Sunday priorities: exercise, sleep in, or eat unlimited pancakes?
  • *Pizza emoji* or *sushi emoji*?
  • If you had nothing to do today, would you rather go running or binge watch something on Netflix… or both?
  1. He’s not that attracted to you (sorry) and swiped right on everyone.

It’s true—some men, knowing how discerning most women are, simply swipe right on everyone to see every single person who likes them in return. They leave no stone unturned this way. So, they may not be interested in 1) dating at all, 2) everyone they swiped on, or 3) even looking at the matches once they come through. This could just be a game to them.

  1. He’s busy.

That TPS report was due today!  He has to call his mom for her birthday! He went to the dentist to have a root canal (ouch). Sometimes people are just busy.

  1. He forgot.

Along the lines of being busy, sometimes people look at their matches, say they’re going to write later, and then simply forget. If someone likes you enough, though, he’ll remember to write back.

  1. His app isn’t sending him notifications.

I don’t know about you, but I have different notification settings for different apps. (I have no interest in my weather app telling me every time there’s a little drizzle outside! That’s what windows are for.) Some people don’t have their notifications set for the dating apps, meaning they have to actively open the app to check messages. Not everyone does.

  1. He swiped right without reading your profile or looking at all of your pictures, but when he did, he was no longer interested.

Sadly, this is probably the most likely scenario. He saw your first picture. You’re really attractive!  You match—yay! You write to him, assuming he liked what he saw. Then, when he gets your message, he reads your profile and/or looks at the other pictures and decides, for one reason or another, that he’s just not that into you. Women often use all of the information they’re given (profile, pictures, etc.) up front and only swipe right on those they want to talk to. Men, not so much.


The moral of all of this?  Don’t take someone’s lack of response personally. We never know why he replies or doesn’t, even if he has seemingly expressed interest. Just take it all with a grain of salt, keep swiping, and know that the right person for you will reply… and want to meet.

6 Reasons Why They Don’t Reply

12 thoughts on “6 Reasons Why They Don’t Reply

  • February 11, 2019 at 10:36 am

    I think it will be good for you at Online Relation because it has rules for making friends and chatting with them.

      • April 14, 2019 at 11:43 pm

        Anything is possible. Happy to chat if you want to sign up for a consultation.

        • May 22, 2019 at 4:44 pm

          As a guy who uses bumble reason 2 is the most accurate for me. It’s true, I want to know what kind of girls are interested in me even if I have no interest in them. It’s a necessity to know what kind of girls are in my league and this is the most reliable way to find out

          • May 27, 2019 at 11:52 am

            Did you find anything unexpected? And if you ultimately are not interested in someone, did you unmatch her?

  • March 19, 2019 at 2:01 am

    or another reason, guys are pursuers, and bumble makes them lazy and passive, not able to be truly interested in a girl that is doing all the work. I’ve used numerous dating apps, getting up to 100 messages per day!! Bumble it’s always nothing! No matter how interesting my initial message and attractive pics/profile, guys can’t get interested in woman they aren’t pursuing first!!

    • April 25, 2019 at 3:30 am

      I find that really strange. For myself I’ve been using Bumble for several weeks. A lot of the women who I match with either never send or message or they send a generic message such as “How are you” or “What do you like to do” etc. Rarely do I get matches where the other person is really engaged and putting effort in their responses. When they do it is fun and I look forward to checking my notification.

    • April 26, 2019 at 4:50 am

      very interesting point indeed… didn’t realize it.. but it’s true…

    • August 29, 2019 at 6:58 pm

      There is actually a psychological study about how the first one to approach gives the other one the feeling of power over the person who approached who is more vulnerable. This is why I don’t like Bumble.

  • February 20, 2020 at 8:10 am

    I’ll be talking to someone and even set a date to go out and then all of a sudden, no replying. I’m patient and wait because people do have lives outside of online apps, or I’ll match up with someone and greet them and don’t get passed that. But it’s not just online dating, it’s often texting too. I get fed up beyond belief. I don’t know what to do, because I really need someone in my life right now and when I do start talking to someone I have to hope and pray that they don’t ghost me like everyone else.

    • February 20, 2020 at 6:54 pm

      There’s a lot to say here. First, it’s sad and frustrating when people ghost. It’s a “them” problem, not a “you” problem. That said, don’t go into situations thinking it’s going to happen because you’ll behave differently, and then it’ll be a self-fulfilling prophesy.

      Now, all that said, you mentioned you “really need” someone in your life right now. This is something to think about. No one can be responsible for your own happiness other than yourself. Especially not a partner.

      • May 14, 2020 at 9:31 am

        While I agree with your response, sometimes it’s not about “happiness”. Sometimes it’s need for human connection, human touch, sex. That might be the real need. Sometimes this independent, good head on your shoulders, empowered woman stuff is shite. And to the opposite end, some of the ridiculous, supposedly feminist rhetoric implying women should be loose just seems to make women just go into types of unnatural relationships they don’t really want deep down. Catch 22.


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