July 2, 2013
We all know what an obstacle is. According to our good friends Merriam and Webster, an obstacle is, “something that impedes progress or achievement.” Now, what if that “something” is you?
In dating, there are so many potential obstacles to that first date:
1. Emailing someone online
2. Talking on the phone (I actually never recommend this… article coming on the topic soon.)
3. Text messaging before the date
Each of these obstacles listed above is a potential rejection point for your date to decide not to go out with you (and vice versa). I know I’m a former economist and all, but you don’t need to be a math whiz to know that by removing one of these potential rejection points, the probability of actually getting to the date is greater.
Let’s look at a few scenarios below:
At each point, the date is presumed to have messed up in some way, but there may be an explanation for it. For Endless Emailer Ethan, perhaps he just doesn’t know how online dating works. Give him the benefit of the doubt and (gasp!) even suggest meeting him. For Chatty Cathy on the phone, perhaps she just talks too much when she gets nervous, but as she gets to know you, she calms down a bit and actually breathes between talking about her precious cockatoo and her trip to Finland last year. And for Texting Timmy, maybe he’s just plain excited to go out with a great catch like you. It’s better than the alternative – not contacting you at all. Simply saying, “I’m not really a huge texter,” should do the trick.
Do Ethan, Cathy, and Timmy hit a bit close to home? Or maybe you’ve dismissed one of them in your dating days. My advice? Remove the obstacles to the first date. You never know if you’ll have chemistry until you meet in person, so don’t get in your own way by setting up all of these rejection points. A couple of emails back and forth should be plenty, and then get right to the date. As a client just emailed me recently, “What came across in emails was not there in person. I guess that happens quite a bit and the more experience I get at this, the sooner I will try to get to a meeting so I don’t have to [spend] my time emailing.” Obviously, this can go either way – better in person or worse – but you have to actually meet to find out.